home again, home again, jiggity jig
Some part of me has always loved the water--something about it relaxes me and unwinds all the tightness I carry with me through my life. I've lived most of my life by the Pacific Ocean, and I've spent much of my life in and on the water--kayaking, boogie boarding, snorkelling--but only recently have I begun to paddle more seriously. At best, I'm a reluctant athlete. In high school, the only way to keep me running around the track was to have the captain of the team running behind me...yelling at me. In college, I participated in a variety of sports, but they were all team sports--the kind of thing where you have friendships and beer on the line.

So it's remarkable to me, as I enter my supposed middle age, that I find myself consumed so completely by the sport of outrigger. At first, paddling was just a hobby--I tried dragonboating for a year, and the prospect of open water enticed me to try outrigger. My first day out, Phil threw me into an OC1--no instruction, just made sure I had the right gear, and a couple people nearby to notify the park if I drowned, I suppose. And I didn't drown--instead I fell in love with the sport.

SFOCC has been from the beginning a huge and ungainly family -- it has the trappings of a team, but underneath it, there's real community there. The kind that drives you a bit mad (like families do) and the kind that inspires you to grow and push yourself further than you knew was possible. I'm 36 now. That's older than I've ever been, and this past weekend, I paddled the longest race of my life--14 miles from Redwood City to the San Mateo bridge, and back (it's the back that gets ya). And I'm preparing to paddle the channel from Newport Beach to Catalina Island in a couple weeks. I'm terrified. And still, I'm stronger than I've ever been, I'm in the best shape of my entire life, and I'm doing things that terrify me on a regular basis. All that, and I'm more connected to the ocean and to the land than I have ever been.

Paddling allows me to combine two of my greatest loves--people and the outdoors. SFOCC teaches me to respect and trust the water, myself, and my teammates. In the end, it's all about the people working together. There's a moment when everything else goes away, and there's nothing else--just the perfection of the paddles hitting the water together, the boat moving through the water. It's the only kind of meditation I know. All the thoughts and noise in my mind are gone. It works through my urban anxieties, my suburban obsessions, and my rural isolation. There is only this moment, this boat. Breathing. Paddling. Water. Heart. Spirit.

What I've learned from SFOCC is that the chemistry of the boat is more important than its individual parts. I've seen underdog boats beat favorites--I've been in the boat when the coaches have pushed us, and gotten us to reach just a little farther, push just a little harder, and BAM. Suddenly, there is no trying, it just all gels, and we're in time, together, paddling with one heart, one paddle, one spirit (beating that supposed favorite...priceless). No amount of individual strength can compare to that.

Before I joined SFOCC, I dreamed about, but didn't think I'd ever accomplish, paddling around Alcatraz, or through the Golden Gate. I've done both now. And it's still part of my dream to go and do it again (and again). SFOCC allows me to experience the bay in a truly intimate way. It brings me home. Through paddling, I'm not just on the water, I'm part of the bay, part of my home. This is my home, and I am a part of it, as much as the ocean, the beach and the fog.

:: ewee 4:47:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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:: Wednesday, August 23, 2006 ::

sci-fi landscape...?
nope, just a gorgeous sunset behind a little refinery or some such thing. you know that there's nothing like a sunset with a little impurities mixed in, right? the colors are just unrivalled in the natural world...or not.

:: ewee 5:55:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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made it, won it...
scrambling and getting them made on time, cool;
winning one (bluuuuue!), priceless...

:: ewee 5:53:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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:: Tuesday, August 22, 2006 ::

on indian killer
just finished indian killer by sherman alexie. somehow, it's both an easy and a not easy read -- i couldn't put the book down, but i also couldn't get the vivid and horrific images out of my brain.

there are many fab reviews online -- this isn't meant to be a review, more just a reaction to staying up too late to get the book finished and out from under my skin.

my trepidation in approaching this book was somewhat justified. it's not an easy book. it is dark and violent and brooding and depressing. yet at the same time, the characters are surprisingly nuanced and three-dimensional. john smith's descent into madness is both lyrical and spritual, but gently unfolds with such a sense of foreboding that it left me uneasy long after the book ended (makes me think of that boiling frog experiment). marie polatkin is not limited to her strident anger, but has a sense of bemusement and clarity of vision that makes her central to the story. the other characters provided landscape for the story -- the simmeringly violent men: reggie, aaron, dr. mather, jack wilson, truck -- out to prove themselves and desperate to belong to the tribes of their own choosing (acting or perpetuating violence, it's all still violence to me). the sympathetic, heartbroken and fading parents of john smith. the discarded and ill-used indigent and homeless on the streets of seattle.

alexie's writing was so well crafted that i found myself absorbed by both the etheral mythologies and harsh realities presented in the book. it wasn't that i couldn't put the book down, so much as i the book wouldn't put me down. i dreamed uneasy dreams, simmered in my own violent anger, sunk into my own bleak visions.

now i need a trashy simple book to balance out the depth of this novel...

:: ewee 12:07:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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600
evidently, this is my 600th post on blogger (that doesn't count my random rantings and postings preblogger...). not sure that's a lot, considering that it's been something like 6 years (!) and considering how i tend to blather on...

:: ewee 11:55:00 AM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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